"Sonny's Corner" is a regular column in Prairie Fire, featuring commentary on civil rights and justice issues. Our friend and Omaha colleague, Joseph P. "Sonny" Foster, died suddenly at age 54 in the autumn of 2006. He left an uncompleted agenda, as did many of our civil rights and justice mentors and heroes. We shall attempt to move forward on that unfinished agenda through this column.

By Justin Wayne

This section is named after a good friend and political mentor of mine, Sonny Foster. I am honored to write in it. May God bless Sonny, and may he help everyone fight for equality and justice.

W.E.B. DuBois, one of the 20th century’s great scientific minds, stated “the color line” was the central problem of the 20th century. The challenge of the next half century is whether we have the wisdom to use the wealth and power of this nation to enrich and elevate our national life, and advance the equality for all. That is, will we fight endlessly to reduce crime, break the cycle of poverty, and eliminate hopelessness among our children? I believe whatever future America has tomorrow is directly linked to the parents, education and communities of today. Yet, after watching the nightly news, one must question what type of future Nebraska has.

*Three teenage girls involved in carjacking;

*A 17-year-old in Columbus accused of throwing his girlfriend’s toddler into a wall will be tried as an adult;

*Three teenagers involved in stealing more than 80 guns from Scheel’s in Lincoln;

*Middle-school kid brought gun to school;

*Millard students caught with drugs;

*Two teenage girls and young woman shot Tuesday night;

*Two boys, ages 14 and 19, charged with killing six-year-old Alazia Alford.

Today more than ever, we as a people, whether black, white, brown or other, control our own destiny. Yet today, more than ever, we have children raising children, children killing children and children behind bars.

Of course, one cannot ignore the implications of drugs in the community, the disparity in the judicial system, racism, nor the easy access that young people have to lethal weapons. I would be remiss if I did not say that there is overwhelming evidence that the availability of guns is the single most important factor that distinguishes youth violence in this country from youth violence in other parts of the world. Racism is still prevalent in our society. It may not be overt, but it is surely covert. Far too many children are advanced without learning to read, and are given shoddy imitations of real academic content, today’s equivalent of Jim Crow math and back-of-the-bus science.

However, what do racism and drugs have to do with kids carrying MP3 players instead of books? What does a failing education system have to with our culture accepting sagging jeans? What does racism have to do with our culture accepting the thug life? Better yet, when did it become acceptable to want to live the thug life, be shot or go to jail? Why is it acceptable to not know your child’s teachers and what classes they are enrolled in? When did it become OK to let the school system, the after-school program or the church raise your child?

The government alone cannot defeat the challenges this nation or this state faces. Studies after studies have shown that parenting is still the most important factor in determining the successes and achievement of any child. The government cannot replace parents as the primary motivator for the hard work and commitment that excellence requires. Nebraska’s anti-crime arsenal, war on poverty, or restoring hope campaign contains no weapons more powerful than parenting. Nebraska’s fight against violence, drugs and crime must begin in the living-room chair, not the electric chair. Nebraska’s war on poverty does not begin in the boardrooms of corporations, but in the living room.

Parenting is the most meaningful profession by itself. Parents cannot leave the parenting up to others. Parenting is full time and overtime. There are no lunch breaks, downtime or vacations. Parenting never stops. Schools, after-school programs and churches will not do the parenting for you. At least not as effectively as you can. These institutions and programs serve only to supplement your parenting. The mother and father must work together, for the child’s sake, not for themselves. Exposing children to violence, abuse or being unsupportive increases the likelihood of the child’s subsequent involvement in violent and other types of antisocial behavior. Parents must teach their daughters to honor, worship and respect their bodies as if they were sacred temples. Parents must teach their sons that having a child too early in life, will not only stop or slow down the girl’s dreams, but the son’s dreams and hopes as well.

In this instant-gratification, fast-paced and sexually explicit society, it is hard to be a parent. The television, video games and friends have more influence on your children than you would like or maybe even realize. But parents are still the child’s first teachers, whether they want to be or not. After being around over 100 parents year-round, and after looking at my own life, I discovered the most effective parents are the ones who keep T.A.B.S. on their child.

T—Time. Sit down with your child once per week to discuss his or her dreams, life, concerns and/or future. It does not always have to be an in-depth conversation, but show your child that you care about his or her life. This serves both to keep you informed, and plants a seed in your child that there is more to life than what he or she sees in Omaha, Columbus, North Platte, etc. If nothing else, just plan some time to spend together.

A—Ask Questions. Ask the following five questions:

*How was your day?

*What did you learn in school today?

*What did you read today?

*Where are you going? or Where did you go?

*Who is going with you? or Who went with you?

B—Be There. I understand that many parents are single and working two jobs. But parents need to try to be present, in a positive way, in their children’s lives as much as they can. Your most important job is raising your child, not making money to spend on your child. Parents need to remember that a child needs the parent’s presence more than the parent’s presents.

S—Support. Support your child’s dreams and hopes. If your child wants to play a sport, sing, draw or paint, find a program to help him learn it. Support their activities, wants and dreams. Support does not mean letting your child make every decision. If you think a program is good for your child, put him or her in it. Support does not mean giving your child everything. We are an instant-gratification society. We microwave everything and we always needed it yesterday. Support your children for the long run, even if that means teaching patience.

These four guidelines cannot be done in a vacuum or with blinders on. Children will do wrong, but never give up on them. Parenting is not locking a child in the backseat as you drive down the one-way street of life. Instead, it is being the guideposts, stop signs, the signals or other warnings as they drive their own lives. When discussing parenting, I often used the gardener analogy:

A gardener is not interested in producing replicas of him- or herself. A gardener cannot impart knowledge to a plant. Instead, a gardener uses his or her knowledge of plant culture to feed, weed and prune. A gardener is interested in the health, growth and fecundity of his or her charges. A gardener provides space in which each plant can achieve maximum success according to its own nature.

A child will grow in a certain direction until he or she cannot grow anymore. Then, it is the responsibility of the parent to open another door for that child. Parents must prepare their children to pick up the burden of life before the moment in which the parents must lay their burden down.

At the end of the day, we cannot control everything that happens around us, but we can always control how we react to that situation. Now is the acceptable time—not tomorrow, not when you get your bills together or when it is more convenient. It is today that you must be the best parent you can be. It is today that you lay the foundation for your child’s tomorrow. If children are the only future, then we must fully develop them, at whatever cost and sacrifice. If we don’t, we all will have consigned our future to a certain death. A parent must never let his or her child’s love or passion for building a better world and living a better life die. I was taught that to be responsible is to be accountable. Therefore, if we want a better future, we all must hold our parents, schools and communities responsible, because we are the only sentient forces that can make the future change.